“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” —Jack Kornfield
Does this sound familiar……?
Your alarm goes off. You hit the snooze button. Three times (Feeling guilty episode #1)
As a result, you miss your morning workout (Feeling guilty episode #2)
You rush to get ready for work and in the process you skip your home-made breakfast (Feeling guilty episode #3)
On the way to work, you go via the local café and grab whatever you can as quickly as possible as you’re now running late (Feeling guilty episode #4)
You’re pissed off at yourself, fuming, frazzled and feeling like a complete failure (Feeling guilty episode #5)
It’s 9:10am and your day has barely even begun…..
This used to be me.
It’s a story I know too well and one I hear day in day out with my clients.
The story continues like so:
You feel shitty at work all day, running on adrenaline and empty calories from your shitty breakfast (Feeling guilty episode #6)
You vow to yourself to not do it again tomorrow and hate on yourself for being so shit today (Feeling guilty episode #7)
When you get home and after sinking a wine, or five and eating a family size block of chocolate, you create a new set of ‘rules’ (Feeling guilty episode #8) and vow to never:
-Eat chocolate.
-Drink wine during the week.
-Sleep in.
-Miss a workout.
-Eat a breakfast that contains sugar or anything else you have labelled ‘bad’.
You’re at war with yourself and you’re certainly not winning.
The guilt and shame becomes all consuming.
And the cycle continues…
Living with this sort of pressure and guilt doesn’t get you anywhere. In fact it’s like a giant life handbrake.
We get so caught up in the pressures of what we should be doing, feeling, looking like, we forget to tune into our knowing, our intuition and even our common sense in regards to what is right for us, as individuals.
We create unachievable goals, place burdening rules. We strive for perfection and yet we just set ourselves up for failure.
This used to be my every day. But with the following strategies I was able to release the burden that guilt had on my life:
Be ok with not being perfect.
Our bodies are trying to tell us stuff all the time. Some days we need a little extra sleep in. Some days we won’t achieve as much at work as the boss wants. Some days we don’t have the energy to keep our children stimulated. Some days the house will stay messy.
Holding onto the image of the perfect woman and life is harmful and it doesn’t exist.
Perfect is the enemy…..
Look after yourself.
Whether you’re a corporate career woman or a Mum (or both) you are no good to your family, your job, your partner, if you don’t look after yourself. Schedule in a little ‘you’ time every day of the week. You deserve this, no justification needed. Whether it’s 10 minutes to bury yourself in a book, a massage, a pedicure, a yoga class. You will be a better mother, partner, employee if you take care of yourself first.
Share the struggle.
I know that you’re not the only one feeling this way. Sharing how you feel with other mothers, co workers, friends can allow for greater connection and empathy. If you’re not feeling courageous enough to share with others, journalling is an effective as a way of releasing all of your thoughts and to then look back and see how far you have come.
Surround yourself with the right people.
Life is not a competition. It’s your journey, done your way. Surround yourself with the right people that live this way as their truth.
Forgive yourself.
It’s totally ok not to get it right all the time and deep down there is a part of you that knows it. Talk to yourself like you would a best friend. Have that version of the same conversation. I’m sure the conversation that takes place is a much kinder one that encourages self-compassion.
Keep an accurate view of social media.
Social media isn’t real life. Let me repeat that…. Social media isn’t real life. We get so caught up by the ‘perfect’ lives we see on social media. They just reinforce the feelings of guilt when we are reminded how far from perfect we are. The bodies that bounce back to model thin within 5 minutes of giving birth; the women that look flawless all the time (I call bullshit) the women who eat perfect and are always ‘happy’. This isn’t real. Don’t buy into the bullshit.
Get help.
For me and many of my clients, seeking support can be the thing you need to move forward, freely and easily. Reiki, EFT Tapping and Combined Therapy Cocktail (CTC) are all fantastic modalities to rebalance, restore and shift any unwanted beliefs, feelings, or negative emotions from your life.
Tell me, what do you do to let go of guilt? Share your comments and thoughts below.